Half alive

I finally get to blog.Well I just want to say that lately I kinda been quite down and emo-ish and moody and I want to apologize to all my friends for worrying.I've got a reason to be like that but I just can't tell.I know I can't avoid this forever but trust me I can handle it.Well okay I can't but you know I will try right??Just have a little faith in me.Well actually I didn't notice changes in me but from everyone's observations I clearly changed.I am so sorry that I don't have my laughing receptors anymore.My receptors are rejecting it.

I don't know la what is happening to me.I feel like I don't have a life anymore.I am just tumpang-ing this body.I feel so empty.Almost emotionless.I lost what I was depending on for happiness.Why can't those 3 months be longer?Why can't I enjoy happiness longer?I just want to be happy.Its that too much?I kept on wondering what I did wrong?Last year I cried through my form 2 life and didn't enjoy much which I should have.But some friends help me brighten up and get me through the year.But like always.People come and go.I guess you just can't stay any longer.

I didn't think I would miss you so much but yeah i really do.There's a lot of people I left behind each time I take a big step forward.And I am always too late to put things the way it was.Everytime I said something it was always past tense.At this point,I really need you but I guess I don't deserve you.Part of me is not with me just the way you left me those memories.If there is one thing I don't believe now it is going to be myself.I can just fall anytime without realizing. I can just break down anytime.Sometimes the simplest question was harder than to think for me to answer it.I am just no good for lying.I don't dare to look in your eyes and pretend it is alright because I'm not.I hate lonely moments.Because I knew I would start tearing and looking back in the past.

So conclusion,I just want to apologize for my bitching behaviour and thanks for the concern.I appreciate it.Love you lots!Oh yeah if you manage to get here,sorry for the crap.I just need to let out.Happy Chinese New Year!