I still..

Well well.The title might not say it all for you but for me it say so many things already.Yes I still miss you.I still miss your smile.But I guess whatever that is gone I can't bring it back no matter how hard I try.I guess I just have to live with the memories you left me with.Those days I can't stop smiling thinking of you but now I can even fake a smile properly.It look so artificial I don't even trust myself with that smile.

I really lost myself this time.Sometimes I just wanna give up on trying to be okay.Seriously,who am I to kid?I can't even pull myself up together.I don't feel alive anymore.Its like I am dying inside out.Its killing me so badly.I guess people just come and go.I guess I just have to accept it the way it is.

This morning I had this dream.It was the best dream after all of this thing.If it was up to me,I will never want to wake up.I want to stay there in dream land.I don't want to wake up and face the real world.But I have to face it.For me,now the time I always wait to arrive is my bedtime.I don't have to think about anything during those time.It is the only time I feel...nothing completely.

But now all I am able to do is live through it and wait until the pain goes off which I know it won't be too soon.